Kinder
by crazy.PLEASE
Summary: Little song fic for Kensi and Deeks. He find's that morning sickness is a joke. She's sick all the time.  Calls him an impregnanting bastard when she can't fit into her jeans. But they are happy.  Yes, they are happy.  And then he sees the red.


**This is a bit darker. Was listening to the song and this just came to mind. Read and review pretty please :))**

**I changed it from a fallopian tube pregnancy and was told that they would have caught that on the ultra sound so I changed it. Sorry, that was a bad on my part!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS LA or the song Tomorrow will be Kinder by the Secret Sisters. (which is from the Hunger Games CD... chicka, chicka yeah!)**

_Black clouds are behind me, _

_I now can see ahead. _

_Often I wonder why I try, _

_Hoping for an End._

He was sure she was going to break up with him, the night he told her. She'd been pulling away from him, slowly distancing herself. Which was saying something… since they lived together. But she spent more time at work, didn't watch movies with him on their designated nights, hardly let him touch her. He wasn't sure what to do. He'd told her once that he was, as she put it, 'the preemptive strike guy'.

But this was Kensi. His partner, his best friend, and the women he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He loves her in a way he had never loved a women before.

So when she sits him down, refuses to look at him and tells him they need to talk, he's so sure. In fact, he had never been so sure in his life.

But those aren't the words.

"I'm pregnant."

_Sorrow weighs my shoulders down, _

_And trouble haunts my mind. _

_But I know the present will not last,_

_And tomorrow will be kinder._

She feared telling him. They had talked about kids before and he had never been warm to the idea, which had always surprised her.

"_I don't know how to be a father. My dad wasn't exactly the best example."_

"_But you'd be so good. And you're nothing like your father," She said softly, playing with his fingers. "Kids love you." _

"_Yeah… when I'm there for five minutes." _

She knew he would never leave her because of this. It was an equal partnership, he loved her and she knew that. It took her a long time to truly believe it, down to her core. He fought tooth and nail to prove that she meant the world to him, that he loved her more than anything. He'd even hinted at marriage. She found a window open on the laptop with several pictures of diamond rings that made her tear up.

But this could lead to bad things. He would stick by her, she knew that, but what usually happened when a couple had a kid when they weren't ready for? When one of them wasn't even sure he wanted to be a parent? Resentment, anger… eventually it would became too much.

"I'm pregnant."

She expects fear in his eyes, questions about how this could of happened and declarations of how careful they were, this couldn't just happen. But his face was shocked for a mere two seconds before he broke into a great smile, wrapped his around her and spun her around in a circle. Laughing, kissing her face. "A baby, Kensi? A baby?"

She's overwhelmed by this response, nearly bursts into tears as he kisses her over and over again. Whispers, "We're having a baby, Kens!" So excited, so happy.

_Tomorrow will be kinder, _

_It's true I've seen it before._

_A Brighter day Is comin' my way,_

_Yes tomorrow will be kinder._

She starts crying, her shoulders shaking and little hiccups coming from her as she finally mumbles that she thought he would be mad. He kisses her tears, hugs her to him and tells her never.

The tears dry and she laughs when he admits he thought she was going to break up with him. "Why would I do that?" She says and he loves that she can't even seem to imagine that scenario.

They talk about it, shows him the little black and white picture of their baby inside her. It's small and he doesn't understand how that little tiny bean sized thing is their baby. He even guesses wrong when he points to a small speck on the picture.

But the next morning, after they tell the team and hugs and congratulations and Kensi's new rules are given, he shows it off to the others, proudly pointing to the right speck on the picture and declares that it's his baby. Puts it up on his desk right next to the picture of them in their new apartment.

Kensi hugs him from behind and kisses his cheek, whispering a sweet 'I love you'.

She gets sick pretty badly. He learns that 'morning' sickness is a joke. She's sick at all times. She starts crying over little things now too, from the sappy love movies they watch to those animal commercials. Calls him an impregnating bastard when she can't fit into her jeans anymore

But they are happy. He's never been happier in his life. Tells Ray so when he makes that call he should of three years before. Ray laughs at him, tells him he knew it. Kensi even talks to him, embarrasses Deeks when she teases about how sappy Deeks is, talking to her belly at night and she swears he was about to cry when they walked through the baby section at the store the other day. He yanks the phone from her and she walks away laughing.

Yes, they are happy.

And then he's woken up in the middle of the night and sees red. All that red.

_I've cried a many tear,_

_And pain is in my heart._

_Around me lies a sumber scene,_

_I don't know where to start._

She's shaking and crying and panicking. "Marty, the baby. The baby!"

He seems to be in shock because even though she's crying something is wrong he stares, his blue eyes roaming from the blood stained sheets to her face back to the blood between her legs. She sees it click though, watch as the panic sets in and he whips the blankets off. He grabs a bag, shoves some things into it before taking her face in his hands. She's surprised at how calm he is when he takes her face and talks slowly to her. "Kensi, we're gonna put some pants on and we're going to go to the hospital, okay?"

She doesn't know what to say, doesn't know how to think of anything other than the fact that this blood, this awful red blood most likely means their baby is dead. "Marty, the baby…" she repeats.

"I know, Kens. I know." He says softly, pulling her up, wiping her with a towel before giving her pants. "This could still be okay, though. That's why we're going to the hospital."

She knows it's not okay. Somehow she can feel it. Call it her motherly instinct. She knows before they are in the car, before they are at the hospital, before the doctor tells her.

Their child is gone.

They tell her they will run tests, find out what went wrong. Why that matters she isn't sure, because the baby is already gone. They drone on about what happened in her body and how their _sorry. _Sorry. It's a little late for that.

They monitor her over night to make sure they get the bleeding is under control. She bleeds for a long time and she wonders how such a little baby could cause this much blood. Marty never leaves her side and he brushes her hair back from her face as she stares at the white ceiling of the hospital bedroom. Tells her he's sorry, he loves her, it'll be okay. She doesn't say anything, doesn't even cry. Pretends to sleep after a while. Marty cries though, lays a hand on her empty stomach and tells their dead baby he loves it and he's sorry, so, so sorry.

She feels the pain then, listening to him. Cover's her face and begins to cry again. Marty hugs her to him, cries with her. "We'll try again, Princess. We'll try again."

_But I feel warmth on my skin, _

_The stars have all aligned._

_The wind has blown but now I know,_

_That tomorrow will be Kinder._

The team of men don't quite know what to do. Sam, the only one with children, has never felt this pain, thank God. His wife carried their babies, had them and they were healthy. He can't imagine. Callen, he's never even really given a thought to children. Weren't really in his cards, he thought. But he knows that this would be horrible. Eric, who's awkward enough with emotional situations sure as hell doesn't know what to do with a sad woman who miscarried.

Nell is the one who tells them what to do. Points a finger at them and tells them sternly to be kind, let Kensi know they care but don't focus everything on it. She'll hurt and they will be kind. They will show her this family loves her and cares about her.

So Sam greets her with a smile, pats her on the back and tells her they missed her. Callen adds some joke about how the place was dead boring without her and Deeks arguments. Eric smiles at her nervously, tells her she looks nice today. Nell raises an eyebrow at him, but hey, it's the best he can do.

She nods, thanks them with a hallow voice. Deeks smiles at them, watching her worriedly as she seats herself at her desk. The only time he lets himself feel for himself is when he sees the empty picture frame where the ultra sound used to be. They go about their day, watching over her worriedly. She snaps at them to stop, just stop staring!

They stop for about an hour.

It takes her time but she slowly becomes herself. Smiles at them again. Makes a joke. Sam has never been happier to hear her and Deeks argue before.

After two months she even thanks them for worrying.

"Hey," Sam shrugged, wrapping an arm around her, "it's our job."

_Tomorrow will be Kinder,_

_I know I've seen it before. _

_A brighter day is coming my way,_

_Yes tomorrow will be Kinder._

They do try again. When the doctor tells them it's okay, he turns to her and tells her he wants a baby. Says that he knows that they can't just replace this baby, but hey, they have the crib. He bought it one day, put it together for her after hanging out with her mother, and showed it to her the minute she came in all proud of himself. "If you're up for it… we can try for another baby."

She doesn't know at first. It takes him a week to figure out she blames herself. She cries all over again when he tells her no, no Kensi, this isn't your fault. He holds her and reassures her over and over again.

It takes her a couple months to forgive herself. And when there in bed, lying on new sheets, she kisses him softly, pulls down her pants and tells him they can try. His smile has never been so big and he has never been so loving with her in bed. Whispers a thank you as their lying in bed together after.

She's so terrified when they take the test (together this time), so scared that she shoves him into the bathroom and tells him to look. She can't, she just can't.

"Really? I mean you peed on it-"

"Shut up, Marty! You just have to look at it."

"What does a plus sign mean?"

She whips around the corner, looks for herself. All six of the tests ("Really, we need six?" He had muttered at the store, was quickly silenced by her fist) read positive and she turns to him, kissing him and giving a cry of excitement. His face lights up when he realizes what this excitement means. Kisses her and they make love right there in the bathroom.

She makes damn sure the doctors check her and check her again. She has a stomach ache one day and refused to leave the Doctors office till he assured her a million and one times she wasn't miscarrying again.

She gets sick all the time again. She grows out of her clothes. She cries at the littlest of things. But never once does she complain. In fact he's never seen a woman more excited not to fit into her favorite pair of jeans.

He hangs the new picture of their baby in the picture frame, glances at it every day. He still has the other one, hidden deep in his closet in a shoebox with several nick nacks he has kept over the years. He knows Kensi has her own in the night stand next to her side of the bed. This baby won't make them forget, not that he would ever want to.

He puts up a new one every month after showing it off. He can see it growing, inside and outside. He loves to touch the gentle curve of her belly and smiles when he feels the thump against his hand for the first time.

Marches into the bullpen, grins proudly at the team and blurts out it's a girl.

Kensi hits him, tells him she wanted to surprise them.

He just gives a cheeky grin and kisses her lips.

_A brighter day is coming my way,_

_Yes tomorrow will be Kinder._

When she holds that little girl for the first time, she's never felt such joy. Immediately forgives this cute, angry little red baby for causing her hours upon hours of horrible pain. Cries as those blue eyes watch her, sniffling as the tears slowly subside. Oh, she's the most beautiful little thing Kensi Blye as ever seen. She touches her all over, checks her little fingers and toes (ten of each), runs her fingers over the soft skin of her cheeks and feels the soft tuft of blonde hair.

"Hi, baby." She whispers, greeting her daughter.

"Oh, she's all you. Look at that angry little face." Marty grins, touching their daughters chubby little cheek. Still so red from crying. She just laughs and tells him he's lucky she's in her arms.

They name her Kynsley Deanne Deeks.

She watches, proud and loving as the team files in and Marty holds her up proudly. Brags about how cute she is, how strong she grips his fingers to the team members. Sam rolls his eyes from the seat next to her bed. "He's gonna take a million pictures a day and make us look at every single one, isn't he?" He grumbles, but she sees the smile on his face.

"Oh, yeah. You should see how many he has already… and she's four hours old."

"Dear, Lord."

But she loves it, this love and pride Marty has for his daughter. How he declares her a genius two days after bringing her home. Gets up in the middle of the night when she cries without even arguing with her. Never complains about changing a diaper. Marty is an amazing father, one that rivals even her own.

She loves this little family of hers. Can't imagine life without Marty Deeks or her little girl. She wonders sometimes what the baby would be like, the one she lost. Would it look as much like Deeks as Kynsley does? Would it be little girl or a little boy and worship it's father as much as Kynsley does? She wonders and questions run over her mind. They make her a little sad, but they make her even more thankful for Kynsley, who runs on chubby little legs and hugs Marty around the neck with a great big smile when he comes home.

What happened hurt, but she healed and now she had this wonderful life. She would never take it back. Because she knows Marty and Kynsley and maybe, eventually a few more kids will allow her to die a very happy women.

_Yes, tomorrow will be Kinder._

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**Thanks!**


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